i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
