went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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