She's JV to your varsity
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
