I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
