Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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