yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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