all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
