allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
