Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
