I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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