she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
