"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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