Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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