is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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