He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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