I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
