i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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