I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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