U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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