i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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