Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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