Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dick very happy bro
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
