I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
