Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
