I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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