At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can I color on your dick again?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
