bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
