just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
