i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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