insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize