We're facebook friends in real life
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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