imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am naked and annoyed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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