Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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