Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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