whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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