operation have a gay friend backfired
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
