dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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