Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
