All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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