worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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