last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
