I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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