Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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