I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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