I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
