you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You are the jesus of drinking
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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