that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
