i think i have two assholes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
