guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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