He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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