Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
