i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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