my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
