STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
