He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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