Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
