You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize