He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
