you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
