Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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