she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
