i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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