i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
