What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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