My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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