At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
