Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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