i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
