So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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