She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
