5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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