Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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